Stages of Growth
The child psychologists, observing the growth of hundreds of children, have quickly recognized there really are various "stages" through which children pass.
These phases represent increased motor activity, growing bodies, acquired skills, new means of expression and the widening horizons of all children!
OF COURSE there are "phases!" A rebellious child of 8 months may only wail and scream — finally sucking his thumb for comfort! The same child, still rebellious, may shout "No!" to every parental command and throw violent temper tantrums at age two!
But children are not caged beasts — to be "observed" as they grow. They are precious human lives capable of building real character, and they must be trained!
NATURALLY, an undisciplined, unrestrained child is going to begin to shout "no!" to every command at along about the age of two! He will do this — not simply because he is "two" and is therefore going through a PHASE which demands this type of action — but because he has not been taught to respect and fear authority, and because his increased physical size, increased knowledge of the English language, his increased energy and vigor, COMBINED WITH his increased REBELLION asserts itself in this fashion! The same holds true for all of the theoretical "phases" of unbridled emotion, lack of discipline, self-willed disobedience and a destructive pacifism advocated by the child psychologists. We should thank God Joseph and Mary did a better job in rearing Jesus Christ of Nazareth than that advocated by the modern child psychologists of today!
A parent, upset over childrearing difficulties wrote a child counselor who writes a column for newspapers. The parent wrote:
" 'Lately our small boy, aged 4, has begun to threaten us — ridiculously, of course. 'I'll kill you, you old so-and-so'. 'I'll shoot you dead,' and the like silly talk. Sometimes he adds bad words such as no decent person uses. He has never heard them at home. And he has never heard such threats. What is to be done with him?
ANSWER: Nothing much. Try laughing at him good naturedly. 'My, my, here's Dennis the Menace. Sure enough. Guess we lost our nice little boy. We'll have to find another one. Maybe Georgie from Aunt Mary's'. Usually, by this time, especially if mother or father has been doing something interesting to attract his attention, the tantrum has evaporated. One thing not to do is to show shock or anger. This child is tense for some reason or other — fatigue, anger at the loss of a toy, annoyance at being interrupted — and, having no words to express his feelings adequately in adult terms, uses what he has. The words do not convey to him the meaning the adult takes from them. They are explosive and his emotions are discharged in them — explosively. Accept this as an indication of his growth and development. In time it will be displaced by another form of expression, a little more acceptable to his parents. Children at this stage of growth profit by hearing good stories. It is time for Aesop's Fables. In these simple stories there is drama; evil is there and so is good and the struggle between them is solved to one's satisfaction" (CLIPPING, by Angelo Patri).
The answer given this distraught parent is so lugubrious as to be obviously and completely a total imbecilic miscalculation. It has condemned ITSELF by its very nature. SURELY our terrifying crime wave, our mounting juvenile delinquency, the tons of evidence being made available to the public through our various media of mass communication have by now begun to convince some of us of the real DANGER of these obviously destructive tidbits of child-psychologists' theories!
Now notice what those who are really face to face with the 'problem advocate. Here, given sarcastically by a leading police department is a SUMMARY of what WILL happen if the "UNBELIEVABLE QUOTATIONS" you have read in this number are followed!
The Formula for Delinquency
Here, according to the Houston police department is a perfect formula for rearing a delinquent child! Remember, it is not only the delinquent with whom we are concerned, but the millions of others who, though not actually running afoul of the law, are disobedient, rebellious, and hostile -toward authority. The Houston police department has published twelve rules for raising delinquents. They are as follows:
1. "Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. "When he picks up bad words, laugh at him.
3. "Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him 'decide for himself'.
4. "Avoid the use of the word 'wrong' It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe, later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. "Pick up everything he leaves lying around — books, shoes and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on to others.
6. "Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.
7."Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. "Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as YOU had them?
9. "Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
10. "Take his part against neighbors, teachers and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
11. "When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, 'I never could do anything with him.
12. "Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it."
Quit Categorizing Your Children
The belief in the "ages" and "phases" of children is more widespread than you may think. Frequently, you may hear parents talk of their children as being "a' mama's boy" or a "daddy's little girl!" But this is only a part of it. Children are frequently "categorized."
This is nothing more than the parent's excuse used in explaining away certain wrong habits, rebellious tendencies, or lack of self-control and self-reliance. Parents use the phrase "boys will be boys!" to justify their children acting like wild heathens, being generally destructive, wasteful, dirty and noisy! Frequently, an emotionally disturbed child who is drawing within himself, lacks any degree of independence, and is headed toward complete introversial tendencies is dubbed "shy" or "bashful."
Some children are said to be ''perfect!" Other children are said to be "impossible!" The parents thus categorize these children, letting all and sundry, in the few moments of conversation, know of these "categories" into which their children fit. In this manner, they hope, when their child destroys the neighbor's china or his furniture the neighbor will patiently understand — because he has been intelligently forewarned that this particular child was "impossible."
Possessing a dog that is known to bite, the owners are instructed to keep him muzzled! Having a child that is given to biting, the parents assure their neighbors their child is "a little biter" but that he will soon outgrow this particular "phase!" Many and varied are the mythical phases of childhood! If you want to rear a child who will defy every supposed "stage" through which he is obligated to grow, according to the child psychologists, simply rear him God's way! He will not throw things at one, kick you at one-and-a-half, scream "no!" at two, throw temper tantrums at two-and-a-half, bite the neighbor's children at three, run away from home at three-and-a-half, be over-bold at four, or neurotic at five! Rather, at all these ages, he will be lovable, obedient, helpful, self-reliant, respectful toward authority, and will, most of all, be living proof that the insipid theorizing and demented arguments about his "phases" are totally untrue!
Let us ask a final question of the child psychologists: "If our children don't scream "No!" at 2, run away at three-and-a-half or show other signs of these 'stages' of growth — are they sick?"