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Train your children...together!

Divorce, separation, upside-down homes with mother in control,
uncooperation between parents are some of the greatest handicaps
to proper child training — and a direct source of juvenile delinquency!
Read, in this article, how to train your children together!


"ANY PROGRAM to combat juvenile delinquency can begin in only one place — the home," said J. Edgar Hoover in his counterattack on juvenile delinquency.

Mr. Hoover sharply emphasized the growing American tragedy — the destruction of the basic roots of any society, the home!


Fertile Ground for Crime

Through separation, divorce, broken homes because of death or accident, illegitimacy and mounting moral looseness among married couples, a tremendous breeding ground of child crime is being cultivated!

The family life of millions has degenerated into a frantic struggle for money, a dash to pleasures, or a silent session in front of the television set and is at a new all-time low today. Our insatiable lust for entertainment and pleasure, our monstrous personal selfishness, our hideous lack of morals and our skyrocketing divorce rate are major contributing factors in producing the greatest generation of youthful criminals the world has ever seen.

Those dealing with the monumental problem of child crime have noted that among the varied reasons for juvenile delinquency, parental uncooperation is a major contributing factor. Delinquents are not only spawned in slums, or as a result of broken and shattered homes but also in families where all at least seems to be well on the exterior, but where parental mismanagement and uncooperation is an unseen disease.

J. Edgar Hoover went on to say abdications "of parental responsibility — a malignant form of self — indulgence before duty — has gained a stranglehold on all too many American households today." Mr. Hoover went on to quote from a jurist who said recently "the (delinquency) problem is not so much an improper youth as it is an improper home."

Divorce statistics, alarming as they are, only further serve to prove there are millions of other homes which are also infected with the same sicknesses but which have NOT YET ended in divorce!

For every broken home today, there are myriads of others which are already showing the cracks, the breakdown in parental co-operation, the lessening of morals, which will ultimately lead to a broken home. And for every ultimate separation, there are many more marriages which may continue to hold together — but under conditions which are atrocious for child rearing!


Upside-down Homes

Obviously, the mother who is divorced from her husband, a father who is attempting to rear children not his own, a widow with growing children, or any home which, through whatever circumstances, is not composed of a father and a mother with their children — is suffering from serious handicaps.

This does not mean that such a situation is hopeless, or that the difficulties cannot be overcome, or that the children will automatically become delinquents! It DOES mean, however, that a great deal of additional wisdom and understanding will have to be exercised — realizing that the God-given and basic environment originally DESIGNED for children, that of a loving father and a mother, is MISSING, and that this is a severe handicap.

Today, the roots of America's modern sociological problems are so deep as to be seemingly incomprehensible to the average layman. Books and articles are written investigating this or that facet of our burgeoning divorce problems surveys are taken, tests are given, marriage counselors are busy at work. But the problem still remains.

Mr. Hoover said, "Unquestionably, the very heart of the delinquency problem rests with the family. When mothers and fathers fulfill responsibilities of parenthood, juvenile crime cannot exist. . . . The pressures of business have estranged thousands of youngsters from their fathers. The distance between office and home has grown increasingly greater, and in many families the young children are in bed before their father gets home from work. Under circumstances such as these, mothers have been forced into a role of greater authority and responsibility. The man of the house tends to be looked upon as merely a weekend handy man — a tired, silent partner." (Emphasis ours) (Pages 8-9, Counterattack On Juvenile Delinquency, J. Edgar Hoover)

Almighty God prophesied this would be true!

"As for my people, children are their oppressors, and WOMEN RULE OVER THEM" (Isa. 3:12). Today, the excuse is that both members must work, that the husband will not fulfill his responsibility, or that the husband must be away much of the time. These can all be very valid reasons, to most people, but should be recognized as another of the very serious handicaps to proper child rearing.

Our upside-down homes led Judge Samuel S. Liebowitz, in an article published in This Week Magazine, to say, 'Put father back at the head of the family.' These nine words spell out the tragedy of the American teenager. He has been raised in a household where 'obey' is a dirty word, and where the mother has put herself at the head of the family. Well, in my opinion, no woman looks good wearing a man's pants. We are becoming a nation of matriarchs.

Absolutely true!

Many do not like to ADMIT the truth! They like to "reason" that these striking factors are not so serious as they seem. Many like to "kid themselves" their homes are being run "just right" and that there is no problem which should be in any way a deterrent to good child rearing.

It's time to quit deluding ourselves, and look at the facts! It's time we realized that Almighty God is indicting our nation, showing our very national future is threatened, not only by the monstrous enemy of Communism, but by the terrifying decay of our own home life!


Household Civil War

Judge Liebowitz went on to describe the pressures placed upon helpless children by upside-down, disorganized, uncooperative homes. He said, "How many times have you heard a father say 'John, it's time to go to bed,' or words to that effect, only to be topped by mother saying 'Oh, Harry, leave the boy alone. Stop picking on him.'? The result has been that father has slowly, albeit grudgingly, abrogated his leadership. In upper and middle class homes we have the additional specter of 'permissive' psychology at work. There the combination of mother wielding absolute power in a permissive household where Johnny is rarely, if ever, disciplined has produced the confused, rebellious, unhappy teenager who floods our traffic courts, our criminal courts and later our divorce courts."

Judge Liebowitz concluded these shocking statements in a nationally circulated magazine by saying "Twenty-five per cent of all U. S. marriages now end in divorce or 'in legal separation — isn't that a shocking and incredible statistic? One out of four marriages a failure!"

Yes, it certainly is SHOCKING!

With the struggle for supremacy going on in the home, constant squabbling between mother and father as to who ought to be running the finances, making the decisions, punishing the children, there are millions of helpless children in our land today who, although not presently stigmatized as "delinquents" are nevertheless forced to live in an environment that is as fertile a growing ground for delinquency as that of our slums or our broken homes.

Let's understand what You can do about it in your own home!


Never Be At Cross Purposes

It is a heinous crime for one parent to nullify the instructions of the other or to "take up for a child" because it is felt that the other parent is dealing too harshly with him.

If the mother feels the father is spanking too hard, and begins to loudly say so — in front of the child — it will result in a sense of inner conflict within the child, and begin to set the stage for the child's future habits of using one parent against the other to get his own way!

If the father does all the punishing this will be an automatic risk! Therefore, the parents should cooperate fully in the positive teaching and training of the child, and also, in the disciplining. The father should certainly take the lead — doing the heavy share of the disciplining. However, in many homes, where the father is at work during most of the daylight hours, and the mother is with the children of preschool age during the day, it is the mother who will have to do the bulk of the punishing during those hours.

A father who knows spanking is God's method of discipline, and should be used in a loving and proper manner, and a mother who is against spanking, and never uses it, is a disastrous combination for child rearing!

If parents are at cross purposes with one another in teaching and training their children — it would be far better if no children had ever been born into such a family! The children would have less chance than the proverbial "hoot in a whirlwind" for growing up to be obedient, respectful, morally and emotionally stable!

In all the examples of teaching and discipline already given in this series, each parent should follow the exact same procedures, together! Oftentimes, both parents can share in the same period of instruction. For example: If the father gives Johnny a command to pick up his toys, the mother could follow the command immediately with saying, "Johnny, as soon as you finish obeying your father in picking up your toys, come here to the kitchen — I have something for you to do!" In this way, the mother acknowledges the father's priority, driving home the lesson that the father's command should be first obeyed — and then enforces upon the mind of the child that she too is to be obeyed with equal dispatch!