Just HOW FAR does the husband's authority extend?
How should a real MAN act toward his wife?
I'LL TEACH you to obey me, you lousy scum!" the man screamed in a drunken rage as he lunged toward his frail, terrified wife. With doubled fists he hit and kicked her, knocking her against the wall and finally to the floor.
He was the master of the house, so he said!
The couple's three children, terrified, cowered in the far corner sobbing quietly. Their eyes were glazed with both fear and hate. They had seen this tragedy many, many times. So many times, in fact, that they would never be able to forget.
Is the above example really unique? Not by any means!
For some of the most shocking, horrifying and sadistic instances of human enslavement imaginable exist within the state often described as "holy matrimony."
Real-Life Examples
"I have four children to support because my husband drinks a lot and isn't able to keep a job. He is getting to a point that he stays drunk most of the time. He talks all night and doesn't let me sleep. I am getting worse on account of not getting enough sleep.
"I want to leave him so that I can rest when I get home from work. His drinking is also getting me real nervous. He talks all night and he gets mean and crazy. I've been putting up with him for many years. But I've gotten to a point that I can't take it any longer.
"What would you suggest for me to do?"
Unusual? Not at all! For, as all marriage counselors and most ministers realize, cases like this exist by the hundreds of thousands throughout our Western world.
Notice this next letter from a PLAIN TRUTH reader:
"How can a wife live with her husband, when he treats her like a child? I can't do anything without begging him first.
"If I ever get to go out I have to be in the house by a certain time. If I do something he doesn't like he punishes me in some way. Sometimes he will even hit me.
"I don't know how much I can take. I feel like I am in a prison.
"We have two children and I find myself getting very short tempered with them. I just don't know what to do. Please help me."
We receive literally thousands of letters like this from new listeners to the broadcast and new readers of The PLAIN TRUTH who have not yet learned to apply God's laws to their married life. Often, we publish articles showing the responsibility of both husbands and wives in marriage. But in this particular article — because of the crying need of the situations outlined above — I propose to tell you husbands what your responsibility is in marriage! Perhaps an entire book should be written on this by one of God's true ministers in due time but the "keys" to being the right kind of husband and having a wonderful, lasting and exhilarating marriage are not too hard to find.
However, you do need to be willing!
How Woman Was Made
At the very beginning of your Bible, God describes some of the purposes He had in mind — and responsibilities — in creating man and woman. If you are ever going to find the answer to happy marriages, you had better be willing to accept instruction from the Great God of creation — the author of marriage and the one who made us male and female!
Notice what He had in mind: "And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth" (Gen. 1:26). God said: "Let them have dominion" He intended that both the husband and the wife learn to exercise authority and responsibility over all of the creation under mankind.
Verse 27 continues: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Here is made plain the fact that both man and woman were created in the image of God. They should both share in the blessings, the opportunities, the joys — as well as the responsibilities — of acting for God on this earth and having dominion over the rest of the physical creation.
In Genesis 2:18, God reveals in detail why He created woman after creating the man: "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him."
As I have pointed out many times, it is not that man was the great, all-conquering hero who stood alone against the sky. The fact was that man needed a help! He was not complete! And woman was created to fill that emotional, mental and physical void in his life.
This is something that all men should deeply appreciate.
A Wife BALANCES a Man
For man without woman is often like a train without an engine, an airplane without wings, or a car without wheels.
Most men simply cannot be complete, cannot be fully happy and balanced, cannot function as they ought in the fulfillment of God's purposes unless each has the help of a loving, dedicated wife. Most of us men — even the most highly educated — need to realize this more fully. For this is a bit of "knowledge" that the world seems to be losing in its rush toward material acquisition, false values and even perverted "love" between members of the same sex which God condemns as sodomy.
Our God says: "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered" (I Peter 3:7).
Frankly and truly, most women deeply realize that they are indeed "the weaker vessel." They have no quarrel with this and are glad to take their place in life at the side of a strong, balanced and loving husband and act as his help and support. But if a husband takes advantage of this, crushes her in his desire to exalt himself and "prove something" to himself or somebody it is no wonder that her love, respect and trust quickly fades. Only hate and misunderstanding result and, indeed, the "prayers" of that household are greatly hindered if there ever were such prayers.
The wife was created as a "help." She was created as the "weaker vessel" — to assist and inspire her husband.
But how do you help. and assist a wild beast? How do you help and assist a perverted egotist who is so intent on exalting himself, "proving" to himself that he is great and powerful and acting like a little dictator that he makes life miserable for all others around him? Or, how do you help and assist a lazy, spineless drunken bum who refuses to support his wife and family, refuses to earn a proper living, and comes in night after night in a stupor — evil tempered and slapping and beating his wife and children? How do you assist this type of husband?
An Inspired EXAMPLE of Marriage
Throughout the inspired Word of God, the relationship between husbands and wives is shown to be the very type of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church. This is particularly emphasized in the fifth chapter of Ephesians. Notice!
"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it" (verse 25).
"Love your wives"? But what is "love"?
Real love is deep affection, admiration, respect, a feeling of closeness and an outgoing concern for the one loved.
Jesus Christ had an outgoing concern for the Church and so He gave Himself for it.
When a woman decides to marry a man she should — if she is mature enough to understand — have such a strong affection, admiration and outgoing concern for the man she is to marry that she is willing to forsake all others, give up the easygoing freedom of singleness, and give herself to this man to be his sweetheart, his help and inspiration, his nurse and comforter when he is downcast or sick, the mother of his children and who knows how many other things?
But what are the man's responsibilities toward his wife in the sight of Almighty God?
In amplifying the analogy of Christ and the Church, I'm going to set forth five areas of a decent man's responsibilities toward his wife. If a man is so weak and gutless that he cannot wholeheartedly embrace these basic responsibilities, then he is not man enough to marry! If he is already married, he had better — for his own sake, for his wife's sake, for his children and grandchildren's sake and for the sake of his eternal life — study and pray , that he will be able to inculcate the teachings of Jesus Christ and character of God sufficient to carry out — for the most part at least — these five basic responsibilities in marriage!
I. Love and Respect
Certainly a man ought not to marry a woman unless he really and truly loves her. Yet, sorrowfully, we must acknowledge that millions of men have never learned the meaning of the word "love." Because of cheap novels, cheap movies, and wrong examples, they have all too often learned to confuse "love" with lust. They seem to think that a base, animal sexual desire to "get" satisfaction from another person of the opposite sex constitutes love. Nothing could be further from the truth!
For true love involves a giving, a sharing of plans, hopes and dreams between two people who want to build an entire life together until death does them part. If they are not able to talk things over, smile into each others eyes, share little joys and intimacies, and stick together when the big trials come — their love is lost indeed.
The apostle Paul commanded: "Husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (Col. 3:19). Some husbands do allow themselves quickly to become "bitter" because their wives do not measure up to an angelic idol of perfection envisioned in their own human imaginations!
But a wife was never intended to be an idol! She was never designed to be perfect in this life any more than her husband was! She was designed to become perfect. She was not intended to be a perfect housekeeper, mother, companion and also a Hollywood sex goddess all wrapped up in one individual!
She was designed and created, however, by the Maker of us all to be a sweetheart, help and inspiration to a man who would share himself with her, go over his plans, hopes and dreams with her, give her encouragement and guidance and lead — not drive — their home in an attitude of confidence and love!
Quoting Genesis, Jesus Christ said: "For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh" (Mat. 19:5). In marriage, a man needs to realize that this "cleaving" is more than a mere physical relationship. It is an active and progressive growing together, a family relationship. A husband needs to concentrate on appreciating and encouraging his wife's happiness, beauty and personality. He needs to think of her and cherish her — not ever letting his thoughts dwell upon other women in the same way, or allowing his thoughts to dwell upon the negative aspects of his own wife anywhere near so much as upon her positive virtues, love and beauty.
So many scores of women have cried out to me in despair: "My husband just won't talk to me! That is why we are not close — he just doesn't share anything with me. He just sits glumly at the table at mealtime or reading a paper or watching TV at night!"