Do Children "Store Up" Emotions?
Frequently, you hear of adults speaking of "getting unwound" by means of recreation or other activity. We talk of being "tense" or "high-strung" or "keyed-up"! So far, so good. This, to a degree, is absolutely true.
Every adult, especially engaged in the type of occupation which demands high-tension mental concentration, needs a "change of pace" once in awhile — to "unwind"! But wouldn't it be a strange society if the adults were given to weird emotional outbursts, in which they seized a gun, shot down five or six helpless bystanders, cudgelled a policeman to death, and then, their feelings assuaged, lapsed into their ordinary and daily routine? A ridiculous suggestion — to say the least! And yet, this is the EXACT advocation of many who would assure you they are foremost authorities on how to rear children.
It is reasoned that children also need to "unwind"! But, since their minds are not yet intelligent enough to lead them into other recreational activities or diversions, they oftentimes throw a "temper tantrum"! This, assure the child psychologists, is merely a method of "letting off steam" and should be patiently ignored by the parent!
"Anger and resistance are the natural responses to being blocked. Children show this by having temper tantrums when they have to be interrupted to be washed, dressed, or taken to the toilet. They burst out if they are interfered with at play. Hunger and fatigue are other kinds of thwarting situations that produce anger" (emphasis ours) (p. 356, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Yes, anger and resistance are the NATURAL responses to being blocked! That is, they are the CARNAL responses. But simply because they are the "natural" responses to authority — does not make them right!
"At about the age of two, children show anger more often than they are likely to when they are older. . . . If we can somehow interest him in the new thing we want him to do, we may avoid a scene. . . . A negative reaction to commands at this age is so common that the foresighted mother tries to avoid conflict by giving as few orders as possible and making requests instead" (p. 356-357, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
What an unbelievable quotation! How does a parent in a restaurant, or in a public market or shop, really put these empty theories into practice? HOW would you apply this ridiculous suggestion in the following circumstance?
You are in a nice restaurant with your wife and children. Johnnie, aged 2½, becomes angry at the food you've chosen for him. While you are trying to politely give the waitress your order, Johnnie begins to SCREAM with anger! He shouts, at the top of his high-pitched voice, "No! No! No! I DON'T WANT THAT!" and, throwing himself to the floor, begins to kick, cry and scream in a frenzy of unbridled emotion!
Do the parents merely calmly smile, placidly ignore Johnnie, and go right on ordering?
IF THEY SHOULD — I DOUBT IF THE OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT PERMITS THEM TO REMAIN IN HIS PLACE OF BUSINESS!
Well, then, do they "somehow interest him in the new thing" they want him to do, and "avoid a scene?"
Not really very PRACTICAL, is it? Do YOU think the empty theories advocated by today's generation of authority-haters are really WORKABLE?
Here again, the authors assure us a negative reaction to commands is common at this particular age!
This is true — ONLY if the child has not been trained correctly from birth! It is true ONLY if the parents have not punished the child, have not had right and correct discipline, have not known HOW to rear their children properly, but have merely been "observing their children growing up" instead of really actively rearing them! Otherwise, if the child of two years of age has been trained, has been shown the proper and deep LOVE, consideration and care, but at the same time authoritative discipline given from love, and in love, he' will NOT, under any circumstances, at any time, burst into anger and shout "no!" at his parents. I have the living PROOF of this fact in my own home!
"It has already been pointed out that a child between the ages of 18 months and three years tends to say 'no' to every suggestion. If he is not constantly being given directions and commands, he has less chance to build up this habit of balkiness.
"If parents could only train themselves nor to be shocked when their young children express their anger by saying 'I hate you' or by calling them names, they would improve their relations with their children. The average father and mother have forgotten the feelings of resentment they had in early life toward their own parents. . . . A child drains off his resentment if he is allowed to express . . if he is made to feel guilty over these natural reactions, if he has to suppress them or be punished, his feelings may be in a turmoil! But if his parents can say to his expressions of HATE, 'Of course you feel that way. I used to, too, when someone made me do something,' he doesn't STORE UP guilt over his conflicting feelings about his father and mother." (p. 359, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute). [Emphasis ours].
Notice it! Parents are encouraged to actively aid and abet their children in BREAKING God's fifth commandment! God says, "Honor thy father and mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee!" and, "Children OBEY thy parents in the Lord, for this is right!" But "modern" parents are told to say to their own children "I used to hate my parents, too!" and tell their little toddlers they "understand" why their own children are shouting and screaming in a fit of temper, throwing themselves on the floor, kicking and practically frothing at the mouth while they scream "I HATE YOU!"
The explanation that has been given in this quotation is so frightfully stupid, so horrifyingly naive, and so shockingly idiotic that it leaves one in a veritable quandary.
Listen! The RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT voice of the Almighty God THUNDERS at such insipid and SATANIC teachings from the reaches of His very THRONE IN HEAVEN! GOD IS ANGRY with such swill.
You can't afford to take these things lightly!
The greatest responsibility ever placed on a human being is that of forming, shaping, teaching other human minds! God warns against many becoming TEACHERS, saying they will receive even sterner judgment! To take the potentially wonderful minds of our innocent youth, FRUSTRATING them, TWISTING them, PERVERTING them, allowing them to be filled with DEMONIACAL RAGES, HATREDS, TEMPER OUTBURSTS is a GIANT, GARGANTUAN SIN!
The wages of sin is DEATH (Rom. 6:23). God is going to PUNISH, in no uncertain terms, for any such great crime against pliable young minds as you have seen the modern child psychologists advocate! May God really HELP some of you to SEE it in its clear light!
Habits of Hatred
As has already been pointed out, children learn by the formation of habits! The authors of this particular work contradict themselves when they say:
"Parents are sometimes afraid a young child who is allowed to talk back when he is angry will form the habit of doing this. Actually, being allowed while very young to LET OFF STEAM this way, without reproach, may prevent the forming of worse habits of sulkiness and obstinacy."
In a section already quoted, they sternly warned that a child must not be given very many directions and commands or he may build up a HABIT OF BALKINESS! But NOW they assure us, ON THE SAME PAGE, that there is no worry of a child forming the habit of talking back when he is angry!
But does a child really "let off steam" and "drain off his resentment" if he is allowed to express it?
Let's understand! The emotions in a tiny child are not like compressed air in a bottle. Child psychologists have followed the theory that human emotions are much like compressing air in a bottle. The more it is compressed, the more resistance against a cap. Just like a pressure cooker, or a boiling pot of water on the stove, they theorize that resentment and rebellion, building up within the child, needs to "explode" and to "let off steam" every now and then! Actually, they are in total error!
The child who is supposedly allowed to "drain off his resentment" in this fashion is the child who could well be opening up his mind to extremely serious consequences in a spiritual sense — of which the child psychologists know nothing. Such a child will very definitely build up a HABIT of rebellion toward authority, disobedience, temper tantrums, and hatred. The thought of allowing a tiny toddling boy of barely over two years of age to shout and scream at his own parents "I HATE You!" and even encouraging him in it is the EXACT thing J. Edgar Hoover talked about when he said our society has been substituting "indulgence for discipline!"
Human emotions do not have "intrinsic worth." Ignorant theorists assume the explosive outbursts and temper tantrums of children are actually lessening the "pressures" within the child, rather than encouraging the SIN of rebellion! It is as if you had a bag of marbles, they theorize, each marble labeled "hatred"! As you dip into the bag and subtract each marble, you have fewer marbles left in the sack! Thus, they reasoned, as a child is allowed to "express himself" in crazed fits of screaming anger, he has increasingly less chance of doing it again!
"The mother who says she cannot ignore a screaming, kicking youngster usually means she has not found out how to use ignoring as a constructive method. Leaving him and going about her business may work better than she thinks it will. The minute he hasn't an audience his pleasure in the performance begins to die down. Naturally, if she herself is so angered by his temper that her attitude in ignoring him is hateful, ignoring will only cause him to feel more hostile. But if she can treat his anger as not too serious a matter, if she is prepared for it just as she is prepared for other primitive ways of acting in early childhood, like eating with fingers, it will be more likely to subside." [emphasis ours]. (p. 358, The Complete Book of Mother-craft, Parents Institute).
Parents are told this is merely a phase through which the child is passing, and he will soon get over it all.
"In most families the phase in which tantrums are most likely to occur passes and is forgotten. If tantrums are continuous, however, or recur past the age of five, they may be a signal to seek help from a child-guidance counselor equipped to discover underlying causes." (p. 548-549, The Encyclopedia of Childcare and Guidance, Gruenberg)
. . . We see that the baby protests against unpleasant experiences by crying. These responses may be considered as emanating from the instinct of self-preservation.
"The response . . . continues throughout life. This crying of the baby becomes the temper tantrum of the older child and a part of the life-long fight for independence. As such it represents one of the strongest impulses responsible for human behavior." (p. 28, In Defense of Children, Beverly).
This very aptly titled book assures parents temper tantrums are nothing mere than the natural outgrowth of the first wails of a tiny baby, expressing his need for "independence!"
These theories are simply untrue. Temper tantrums show a complete lack of self-discipline — and far from being merely a STAGE through which the child is growing, are gravely serious warning signs of a child totally lacking in self-control. It is just such thoughtless teachings as these that have led thousands of children past the bars of justice across our land, and have made hopeless emotional wrecks out of uncounted millions of others.
Rather than going through a "stage" of child development, which they will grow out of, children allowed to express insane rage at their parents are building a mature habit of hatred!
Now notice a refreshingly sound quotation for a change:
"Let us — parents, teachers, and all others having to do with the training of youth — see to it that adolescents acquire self-control. Let us save them from the injurious effects of this new-fangled idea that young people can grow up to do as they please. Confusion worse confounded will be the state of the next generation if it is generally accepted. If you, as a parent, have done your duty in the nursery and during the pre-adolescent period, I assure you the days of actual punishment will be over long ere your youngsters reach their teens. But if for any reason you have failed in the earlier years, and your children have attained adolescence without learning self-control, then I admonish you not to depend exclusively upon these new-fangled psycho-logic notions or on any fantastic interpretation of Freudian philosophy, and refrain from chastisement through fear that your children will not develop leadership. Leadership — bah! Who wants a boy to grow up to be a leader of a criminal gang? Indeed, if we go on after this fashion, we can truly say 'what price leadership!'" [emphasis ours). (p. 141, Piloting Modern Youth, Sadler).
Sound advice, indeed! Read it again!