Family government
Nothing written above, however, justifies cruelty or mishandling by antagonistic mates. God doesn't expect women, for example, to suffer under despicable examples of manhood who beat them, threaten their lives or attempt to suffocate them spiritually. "God hath called us to peace," Paul stated (I Cor. 7:15).
True, Christian women are required to honor their husbands and to submit to them (I Cor. 11:3). Yet God also says in Colossians 3:18, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."
God requires His converted children, male and female, to appear before Him on the Sabbath (Lev. 23:3, Heb. 10:25). Danger to life and limb, or slow spiritual strangulation by husbands who make it impossible for their wives to obey God's clear commands, needs to be brought to the ministry (Heb. 13:17).
Wives are to submit, yes, but "as it is fit in the Lord." A Christian woman owes allegiance to an authority even higher than her husband — to the One who instituted the husband's authority in the first place, the almighty, eternal God (Prov. 29:25).
Acts 5:29 plainly teaches, "We ought to obey God rather than men." Applying this principle is often one of the greatest crosses a true Christian woman with an antagonistic husband has to bear. Seek plenty of qualified help and advice from God's ministry in this matter.
But remember, God did not write Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18as the "Male Chauvinist Bill of Rights."
No scripture justifies the cruel, ironfisted rule of a man who forces a converted woman to infringe on God's spiritual law. The wife is told to "submit herself," not to get sledge hammered into slavery. The phrase "submit yourself" is no license for the female's exploitation.
At the same time, converted women will not seize on any picky areas to excuse dumping husbands they would selfishly like to get rid of. This is a difficult area for many women in God's Church, especially, but the overall principles are clear.
There is nothing in God's Word requiring us to participate in Christmas, Easter, Halloween or other worldly holidays because of a husband's commands. But neither should we become hurt or resentful if the husband chooses this route. Don't criticize. Don't condemn. God isn't judging the world yet, but He is certainly judging us (I Pet. 4:17). Often tact and resourcefulness can work wonders (Prov. 21:23).
Be resourceful
Notice God's encouragement: "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands" (Prov. 14:1). "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness" (Prov. 31:26).
Dozens of young people are studying at Ambassador College because of the determined, wise example set for them by courageous mothers and fathers who walked with God every day in a sometimes tedious struggle to serve Him without offending their mates.
Countless quiet, meek men and women have found untapped reserves of leadership, tact and strategy once they determined to obey God fully (Prov. 28:1). There is never an excuse for rebellion against a husband, of course, but we owe God our total allegiance. It is a matter of obeying the One in greater authority.
One woman had reasoned that she should never attend any activities except Sabbath services. Her excuse? She felt she should spend all her free time with her nonmember husband and children.
But she began to realize that her family's depressing personal problems were undermining her attitude and cutting her off from the abundant life God's people enjoy in wholesome social activities. Her minister agreed.
She responded to her pastor's suggestions. She joined the church ladies' bowling league and the chorale, volunteered for a job responsibility in the congregation and is generally enjoying life much more.
No wonder. She is living the great commandment (Matt. 22:37), and God is blessing her. She now has the quiet conviction that the Head of this Church is looking after her family and will call them to the truth at the best possible time. Meanwhile, she has work to do with God's people, and sets a fine example for all.
Husbands with nonmember, antagonistic wives should zealously take the lead in their families to plan uplifting, enjoyable activities within God's law.
Instead of allowing the sources of friction to dominate your family relations, why not plunge wholeheartedly into activities that build unity? The best defense is a good offense!
If Christmas, Easter and birthdays are sore spots, make up for these antagonisms by planning outstanding events for Thanksgiving, graduations, anniversaries and vacations. Involve your wife's family where possible. Be watchful. Know your wife's interests and enjoyments. If they are within God's law, make the most of them.
Be wise. Be resourceful. Appreciate any opportunity to set a balanced example of God's way. God could use your wife's nonmember status as a vehicle to spread His truth into more and more lives. Be a light (Matt. 5:14). But remember, a light doesn't preach. A light only makes a noise when it is defective.
Claim God's promise: "When a man's ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him" (Prov. 16:7).
Abigail's amazing example
"I just can't see how it would work in my case," some will protest. "I've tried everything, and it just gets worse." Well, remember, the impossible is God's specialty. Let's study an amazing case history recorded to illustrate this very point.
In the days when King David was a rugged guerrilla leader, there was a woman named Abigail, "a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance" (I Sam. 25:3). Abigail had married a man who, though a financial success, was an abject failure as a human being. The Bible, with marvelous irony, records that his name was Nabal, meaning "a fool" or "worthless fellow" (verses 3, 25).
This ornery individual became involved in a semi comical episode that literally sizzles with the dynamics of human relationships. It is vital that we today understand such episodes (Rom. 15:4).
God's ministers meet many Nabals. Sometimes people forget that the Nabals of this world reap what they sow, eventually (Gal. 6:7). Being a Nabal, an unhappy ingrate, is punishment enough, but sooner or later such a person goes too far (Prov. 11:17, 15:18). A Nabal's habit of "shooting from the hip," often fortified by terrorizing a wife, inevitably leads to a showdown.
This happened. Nabal's spiteful refusal to supply David's small army with provisions caught the Jewish giant killer at the wrong time. David saw red! He'd risked his life defending Nabal's property and all southern Judah from hostiles. In full fury, David set out to punish this snide reprobate (I Sam. 25:13). The irresistible force was headed for a very movable object, Nabal and his whole family. What did Abigail do? What would you do?
Abigail's "good understanding" rallied. You couldn't live with a viper like Nabal without growing at least a little in wisdom. "The wrath of a king is as messengers of death: but a wise man [or woman] will pacify it" (Prov. 16:14). Swiftly Abigail prepared a sumptuous meal (I Sam. 25:18).
Then she herself set out to meet David after he had first sampled the delectable food, a true "peace offering." This was the adroit strategy of a forceful, capable woman facing a life-and-death test.
It worked. Her sound, forthright approach completely melted David's anger (verses 23-31). What a study in feminine leadership interposing itself skillfully and diplomatically at just the right time!
David was forever glad he had listened to this woman, an unsurpassed example of strength blended with submission. Abigail did all of this without compromising the government principle in the home.
God Himself upheld this stouthearted woman who possessed a delicate blend of dignity, nobility and tact. God reciprocated her loyal submission to her obstreperous husband with wisdom to handle her life's crises. More than merely "coping," she ended up as the wife of David (verse 40).
Benefit from the opportunity
Sweet indeed can be the uses of adversity! What a merciful God we serve, who allows us to build character and learn valuable lessons from our most awkward and embarrassing life situations.
Don't lament and bemoan your situation. If your mate is truly "pleased to dwell" with you, rejoice and make the most of the opportunity to be a quiet, tactful witness of God's way (I Cor. 7:12-13).
Remember, God does not make mistakes. When He called you into His glorious truth and did not open the mind of your husband or wife, He knew what He was doing. Trust Him. Whatever He does is for your good, ultimately.
Above all, do nothing that will stand in the way of your mate responding to God's call. Strive to set the very finest example. Your minister will have other pertinent suggestions. The best thing any of us can do to serve God is to be as involved and interested in His Work as possible (Matt. 6:33).
God is not unfair. He knew what He was doing when He called only one member of your family. One day we will learn that His ways truly are higher than ours (Isa. 55:8-9).
"For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off" (Prov. 23:18).