Teach Your Child to LISTEN to Your Instructions
Sounds simple? But it isn't! Again, NO child will EVER listen to his parents unless he is TAUGHT to listen! The parent who constantly says "Did you hear me?" or, "Did you understand?" or, "Pay attention to mama!" is 'the parent who has never learned to teach the child to LISTEN.
First grade teachers could form a veritable army of witnesses to tell surprised parents how FEW children have EVER learned to listen to instructions! It is another of the beginning principles in childrearing.
It is truly amazing what a few sharp spankings will accomplish to improve a child's hearing! If your child does not seem to hear you when you call, or his mind wanders when you are instructing him,, or he pays no attention to you — the following measures should be applied: Speak only once. Speak sufficiently audibly so that you are sure your child (if he has normal hearing, which we are assuming, since we are dealing with the "average" case) can hear you. In this way, you will be assured at the outset his lack of attentiveness is not due to a fault on your part. If he doesn't hear you, simply go to him, and apply a sharp, but comparatively mild, spanking!
Explain to the child he did not listen to you — and tell him to be more attentive next time!
Apply the proper methods of positive teaching, followed by swift, never-failing and loving punishment for infractions! In this manner, you will break the bad habit of not listening to parental instructions and admonitions, and instill the GOOD habit of always listening attentively to the parent. In this fashion, whether your child is playing, or engaged in some pursuit which calls for his undivided attention, he will, nevertheless, always, "have one ear tuned" to the voice of his parent!
This is another point at which many parents fail — simply because they are never sure their child really COULD have heard them! Use wisdom! If your child is outdoors, and banging on a tin pan or playing noisily with toys, the chances are you should not even attempt to call loudly from in the house, unless there is an open window very near the child's play area. Rather, you should go to a place where the child can see as well as HEAR — and then call your child or give whatever instructions or teaching you wish.
I know of a case where a parent was finding herself calling repeatedly for her son. He had a back-yard "project" involving his pets, and was invariably "busy" and "occupied" with them. He apparently didn't hear the calls of his parents. He was reminded to listen carefully, and sternly admonished. Next time, he still didn't come. He was firmly spanked for it! The next day, he came to the door several times when his mother HADN'T CALLED, saying "Mom, did you call me?" Does this illustrate the point? Always be sure any normal child couldn't help but hear, and THEN, if the child does not respond, apply the lesson until he does learn to respond.
Teach Your Child How to Answer His Parents
Remember, one of the greatest lessons any of us can learn is a deep inner sense of respect for authority! One of the attributes of those whom God says are rebellious toward authority is that they "despise dominion, and speak evil of dignities! " (Jude 8). Not only do many children "speak evil of dignities" today, but millions are allowed to "sass" their parents, to talk back, to say "Yeah!" or "Naw! " to parental questions or commands! God says:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: For this is right.
"Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
"That it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth." (Eph. 6:1-3).
We should show honor and respect toward God by addressing Him as "Our FATHER." We are told to "stand in awe of Him!" and to approach Him with dignity and respect, calling upon Him by the use of the titles of His OFFICE! We are to call upon Jesus as "LORD! " Lord simply means, translated: "Master," "Boss" or "Ruler! "
In like fashion, children should be taught to look up to the office and authority of their parents! Just as we are to LOVE Almighty God with our whole heart, our mind, our very beings, and yet show respect — so will the child who truly LOVES his parents be able to experience an even fuller love if he is also taught a deep inner sense of respect toward his parents. This may be evidenced in the manner in which the child answers the parents.
It is neither "old-fashioned" nor wrong to teach children to say "Yes, sit!" or "Yes, ma'am!" to their parents. Teaching the child to say "Yes, father" or "Yes, mother" may sound, perhaps, a little too laborious and lengthy and the same purposes may be achieved by a simple "Yes, sir" or "No, ma'am." My child invariably answers me with a "Yes, sir" or a "No, sir" and, in looking back, I can recall having to apply a very mild spanking on only ONE occasion in his entire life to instill in him this habit. It was simply a matter of the positive teaching. He was taught how to answer.
You should begin at a very early age, when a child is first learning to put together simple phrases — learning to talk. When asking a child a question, such as "Did you have a good time today?," if the child says "y-e-e-e-e-s "then you should say: "Say, 'Yes, sir!'" and have your child repeat this a few times. As a result of diligent teaching in each instance, within just a very few days, or, at the most, a few weeks — you will have instilled in your child a habit which will last through the remainder of his natural life! At age four, or five, my boy was answering "Yes, sir" on almost every occasion. However, I began to notice frequent slips, and that he would begin to drop off the "sir" on occasion. I said: "Mark, you should always say 'Yes, sir,' or 'No, sir,' when you talk to your daddy, or 'Yes, ma'am' or 'No, ma'am' when you talk to your mother. You have been slipping up on this lately — and forgetting. I'm calling this to your attention — now — to tell you about it as a reminder — so you won't slip up on it in the future. If you do, then I will have to give you a spanking to help you remember — do you understand?" "Yes, sir!" answered my son.
However, true to form, he did forget within a few hours, or days — I don't remember now. At any rate, true to my promise, I did spank him for it! I don't believe I swatted him more than four or five times. He tearfully apologized, and I put my arms around him and loved him, telling him I was giving him the spanking merely to help him remember — and that he sometimes needed this help as a part of his positive teachings o he wouldn't forget! He now has a deeply engrained habit which I doubt anyone could break — a right habit of showing respect, not only toward his father and mother — but toward all adults!
Teach Your Child to Perform Certain Definite Tasks
At a very early age, children may be taught to put up their own toys, fold and hang up clothing, help make their beds, clean up after themselves in the bathroom, or do other simple tasks about the house or yard. This is not with the aim of acquiring cheap labor about the home — far from it! It is with the goal in mind of teaching your child one of the most important lessons of life, which, simply stated, is this: TO DO WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO — WHEN HE IS TOLD TO DO IT!
By constantly teaching your child to perform certain tasks about the home, you are instilling several habits within him at once. The habit of obedience; of neatness; of cleanliness; of listening to parental instruction; of answering correctly; and that of performing definite tasks are all involved in this procedure.
At first, you will need to "spell out" exactly what is expected of the child. For example: With your child, bend over and pick up one of his toys. Hand it to him, and then, take him by the hand, show him the proper place for the toy. After you have done this a few times,. then you may have him pick it up and carry it to its proper place unaided. After a few times, giving simple instructions all the while, you will find that your child is able to pick up an object from one part of the house, and, progressively, going through several rooms, pull open the right drawer and put it in its proper place.
There are two different kinds of "good housekeepers!" The one type is a wonderful worker, accomplishing monumental tasks in a short period of time, and, by 10 or 11 o'clock in the morning always seems to have a spotless home! The other kind seems to breeze through her work with consummate ease — never struggling too hard, never doing such monumental tasks, and yet always keeping a neat and spotlessly clean home. What are the differences between the two? The one probably has ill trained and unclean children — and is living in a family which never puts up anything after it is used. The other simply never allows the house to become dirty in the first place! Her children are following the good examples and careful teaching of the parents — they're putting things away in their proper places.
As your child gets to the age where he can understand more than one simple instruction at a time, begin to link together two or even three simple instructions. For example, say, "Johnnie, pick up these toys and take them to your room — and put them away in their proper place. Then, bring daddy his slippers from his closet." Be slow and definite in your instructions. In this fashion, going to his room, and then relating the putting away of one or two objects with the obtaining of another, you have begun to teach your child how to accomplish certain definite series of tasks — how to follow parental instructions!
As he grows older, you may increase the instructions proportionately. Again, these may sound like simple principles — yet there are literally vast hordes of parents who have never taken the time or the effort to teach their children how to respond to simple commands!
There are so many parents today who are not quite sure their children "understand" them that, perhaps, the following type of situation occurs all too frequently:
A small girl was being "brought up" or perhaps it would be better to say, was being allowed to grow up the "permissive" way — the way MOST modern child psychologists advocate.
Her family would be talking to guests, and she would appear, beating loudly on a tin pan. Her mother would imperturbably smile and gently say, "Joan, dear, take your pan into the other room, darling, so we may talk Joan would shake her head and continue drumming.
Her mother would repeat the request, to which the child finally replied, "NO!" (But isn't this exactly what the parent should have expected, according to the psychologists?) "I want to play here!"
Then followed a long discourse by mother, on the rights and desires of other people — how the "grownups" wanted to visit, and would she please be a "good girl" and leave the room?
To all this, Joan merely continued shaking her head and drumming.
Finally, the mother arose, and led the guests out on the patio, retreating in full flight, leaving little Joan in possession of the field, clearly the victor. The mother murmured, as she left the house, "I'm sorry, folks — but you know how it is — she's so little, and it's so difficult for her to understand. . . ."
HOW ABOUT IT? Is this the way you want YOUR child to be?
You see, little Joan DID really "understand"! She understood that she could get her own way — that she didn't have to obey her parents' suggestions, and that she could do just as she pleased! This parent, not quite sure the child was old enough to "understand" things on an adult level — and therefore to "reason out" what her logical course of action should be, was actively engaged in TEACHING her child a terrible habit of selfishness, lack of respect for her elders, and disobedience!
This is far from an uncommon situation — but is almost a rule in many homes today!
First, make sure your child understands the simple, direct commands and admonitions you give — then MAKE your child obey them by piloting him through the first few routines — and then having him accomplish the tasks on his own.
In this way, and in this way ONLY, will your child begin to learn to automatically and habitually do the right thing! Next month, we'll continue with more examples of right habits you should teach your children!