Always FINISH What Is Started
NEVER CEASE! Never quit! Never give up! Once you have begun teaching your child the meaning of the word "no," and to respond to a single command, don't ever give up! Let's assume your child does not learn to eat his dinner after this one spanking. If he eats only two or three bites after the first one, and then begins to toy with his food again — repeat the whole process. DON'T SPEAK AGAIN — you've already done that — simply arise from the table, take him into his room, and administer another spanking!
Perhaps it may seem unnecessarily harsh to you — but you should continue this process as long as is made necessary by your child's REBELLION!
There is going to come a time in the life of every child when he is going to "try" his parents almost to the breaking point. He will rebel. It may be over a simple thing such as eating his dinner, picking up his toys, coming when you call, going to bed quietly, or any number of things. My son, on one occasion, simply refused to blow his nose! My wife would say "Blow!", and wait, holding the handkerchief to his nose. He had been blowing his nose by himself for quite some months — there was no question but that he knew how. He rebelled. My wife spanked him, and then told him "Blow!" again. Again, he refused. My wife spanked him the second time. Finally, after my wife had been spanking him quite a number of times, she called me. I took over the situation, and he still refused to "blow!" I do not remember now — and I am sure my son Mark doesn't remember, either — it may have taken as many as fifteen or twenty separate spankings of six or eight licks each! However, after the last one — he BLEW!
Had I let my son win that battle may never have gained control of him again!
My child was not bruised — he was not injured — and the pain was all over in just a few moments!! But the LESSON he learned is still with him to this day, as he's rounding out his third year in school! My wife and I then explained to him that he would never have needed even ONE spanking if he had merely blown his nose as he should have — in the beginning! We impressed this firmly upon his mind, telling him that spankings are not enjoyable, they are not "fun" for anyone concerned, but that because we love him, we MUST teach him what is best for him, and what Almighty God requires, in order that he will grow up to be an obedient, loving, respectful child, always doing exactly what his parents tell him!
I have seen many parents spank their children once or twice for an infraction, and then give up because their children CONTINUED to rebel. This is disastrous to teaching real discipline.
Use CAUTION, however! NEVER go to an extreme and BEAT your child. Punish wisely, in LOVE!
Punishment, to be truly effective must always be JUST and graded to the nature and degree of the offense! Never punish harshly, or overly much for a small infraction! Never punish lightly, or too little for a major infraction! Use wisdom and judgment! I never punished very hard for reaching for a knickknack or teacup. I punished very firmly for running out into the street! The one offense, if repeated, might result in a broken teacup; the other, if repeated, might result in the loss of the life of the most precious possession any parent can be given!
Use RIGHT Psychology
Punishment must be adapted to the individual child! However, in explaining this, I may run the risk of having some parents retort, "My child never needs a spanking!" But this, after reading the inspired word of God on the subject, would be sheer ridiculousness! Any and every child NEEDS spankings! It is a vital, integral PART of his positive teaching and training! To be left without punishment is to be left without a very precious benefit given by Almighty God in His Supreme love for instilling a deep sense of respect, discipline, reliance, self-control and a settled, orderly, appreciation of loving authority.
Granted, some children are of totally different natures than others. Some are "easily upset" while others seem to be quite stoical, almost imperturbable. It may take only one or two sharp spats for one child to burst into a veritable flood of tears and repentance. It may take 10 or 12 for another child to show equal remorse. Surely, no one is in a better position to know and evaluate this than you — if you are wise and loving parents.
A child should always understand the PURPOSE of the punishment. Spanking should always be accompanied by the positive TEACHING as to how to do the RIGHT thing, as opposed to the wrong. Most parents have come to feel that spanking is entirely "negative." This is simply not true! Spanking should be, if properly utilized, the most positive method of child rearing there is. With the proper, kind and discerning TEACHING of the RIGHT action, both before and after the spanking, this gives a positive and negative side to the spanking procedure which will be lastingly beneficial. For example: If your child is frequently running in and out of the house, and leaving the door open, call him back, inform him of his mistake, and firmly tell him to always close the door after him when either coming in or going out of the house. Assuming he forgets within a few minutes and leaves the door ajar again, call him to you, show him the open door and administer a just spanking! THEN, take the child to the door, and have him close it. Have him then go in and out of the door five or six times, each time he does it, opening and closing it properly! Instill the HABIT of obedience. TEACH him the positive act he should be expected to do! In this way, with the positive teaching immediately following and accompanying the spanking for an infraction, a valuable and long lasting lesson may be taught.
Most of the time, your child, is going to disobey "accidentally." He will disobey through carelessness, thoughtlessness, forgetfulness, or simply through a lack of understanding of what is expected of him. However — don't be deceived! There are many occasions when a child will DELIBERATELY disobey and needs to be spanked accordingly!
Let your child know you believe in his underlying good intent! Frequently, the young boy or girl will say, quite tearfully, "I didn't mean to!" You should answer, "Of course you didn't MEAN to!" Explain to the child how you "understand" that he did it merely through carelessness or forgetfulness. But say "had I thought you would have done such a deed on purpose I would have punished you much more severely! I know and understand that you wouldn't have done this deliberately — TRYING to be disobedient — but because I love you, I must impress upon you that you should never do this through forgetfulness or carelessness again!"
Then, when the tears have subsided after a spanking, LOVE your children take them up and show them some affection! NEVER allow the child to run from the one parent who has done the punishing to the other for the loving and the affection — but ALWAYS make sure the child is loved, first o f all by the parent who has done the punishing!
The insipid misunderstanding and calloused indifference of some of the child psychologists is difficult to digest, indeed! One child psychologist advocated a pat on the head at bedtime, a handshake in the morning, and, now and then, a "nod of approval!" This, the parents were assured, was to avoid "too much mother love!"
What a loveless, cold and totally hopeless atmosphere it would be if a tiny child could expect only a pat on the head, a shake of the hand, and a nod of approval once in a while!
For a child of four, six, ten or fourteen — or any age — to come to a parent and say "I sure do love you, Daddy! " voluntarily, is one 'of the most loving and emotionally satisfying, joy-filled experiences of life! Granted, there may be such a thing as "over protectiveness" on the part of some parents — and especially, some mothers! However, surely a lack of protectiveness, lack of parental love and direction is far more prevalent in today's society than "too much love!"
Yes, punishment when used properly, and in LOVE is a truly marvelous method of positive child teaching and training. God says:
"The rod and reproof give wisdom: But a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame!
"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (Prov.29:15,17).
Further, the Ruler of this universe, the God who gives you every breath of air you breathe also gives you an infallible promise that if you "train up a child in the way he should go," he will, when he is old, "NOT depart from it" (Prov. 22:6).
There are many methods of proper punishment — not all of them involving physical or corporal punishment.
Natural Consequences Sometimes Punish
Sometimes, natural consequences of a child's action may serve. However, this should only be done when the natural consequences of the act are not too severe, and no real injury or lasting harm is involved. Obviously, a parent should not wait until a child is severely shocked in order to teach a very young child not to pull out or play with electric cords. However, a child will oftentimes learn unassisted by the parents through natural consequences of his acts, how to get along in his surroundings. For example, he may, by bumping his head when raising up under the piano bench or the table, learn to crawl out from under any such obstacle before pulling up or standing. He will learn after one or two minor brushes with a hot radiator to avoid it.
Used as a method of punishment, the parent may warn a child crawling toward a hot (but not too hot!) radiator "NO!" The child may disobey this command, and reach out to touch it anyhow! Obviously, if it is going to result in a severe burn, the parent should snatch up the child before the child is allowed to touch the radiator and apply corporal punishment — in a "right" and loving manner. However, if it is merely, going to result in a momentary pain, the natural consequence may, in all likelihood, serve to illustrate to the child that immediate retribution and pain will follow the disobedience of the "NO!" command.
Isolation
Isolation may be used as a proper method of punishment if the circumstances warrant it. Especially would this be beneficial if if the child is being uncooperative in playing with other children. The simple "no!" command for a very young child, or a longer admonition, in the event the child is older, should always precede ANY form of punishment! If the child is taking toys away from others, or not playing in a cooperative manner, he may be secluded in his own room, or removed and taken to an isolated place (NEVER a darkened closet, cupboard, or small, confined . place), preferably, his own room. He may be made to remain there for a short period of time, or longer, dependent upon the circumstances.
Deprivation
Deprivation of some special toy, some particular pleasure, dessert 'after a meal, a 'trip to the store, or any number of things will serve as a lasting admonition for some offenses.
For example, a child who is old enough to talk and can understand such admonitions might be warned, "If you don't eat all your spinach, you shall not have any ice cream "with the rest of us as dessert! If the child persists in his rebellion, and' does not finish his spinach — the parent should be firm, and DEPRIVE the, child of the ice cream.
Voiced disapproval may, be utilized in some instances. However, mere "nagging" at the child, constant recriminations and rebukes, or parental disgust shown over and over gain will do nothing more than frighten, dishearten and induce sulkiness in a child.
Never use Shortcuts
None o f the aforementioned methods should EVER, under any circumstances, supplant or substitute as permanent measures for corporal punishment! There are thousands of parents who will assure others that they can "reason with their children, and therefore have never needed to spank them! There are many thousands of others who assure all who will listen that their children can merely be "shamed" as a result of any wrong deed, and have never "NEEDED" a spanking!
These are simple excuses and attempted "shortcuts, ' by parents who abhor and detest any usage of the God-given means of teaching and training children — corporal punishment! They are going to lead to heartache and — serious troubles later — and it must be stated here, that even though natural consequences, deprivation of special pleasures, or disapproval. are and can be used as effective means of punishment — they should never be used exclusively, or as a substitute for proper, loving, corporal punishment.